It’s been 8 weeks since we have welcome Eilidh into the world!

Eilidh is now 8 weeks old! Time really flies when you’re having fun!

Well not entirely.

While I have been enjoying taking care of here, there are some moment I feel so lost and useless that I could almost give up. The feeling when you feel you baby might not be feeding enough or might not be happy, cranky, or that there is not a thing in the world that could cheer your little one up.

Post Natal Depression

When she spits up, vomit, or cry because of gas, and you worry that something is terribly wrong with her. Wishing someone could give you an answer, help, or even a word of comfort and assurance that everything is going to be okay.

Yes people, I had a feeling I was going through postpartum depression the first month of Eilidh’s birth. I felt alone. Although I was getting all the love and concern from my hubby and my in-laws, it just felt that no one was understanding my stress and it was overwhelming.

The Milk Intake Anxiety

I have been exclusively expressing breast milk for her, because I was so anxious she wasn’t feeding enough. My OCD simply wanted to keep track of her daily intake to know if she has been taking too much or too little. Eilidh is a very light drinker, and with her gassy tummy, she is barely drinking 70-90ml per day and only 60 in the wee hours. This added up to only 500-600ml per day. This is when Google, isn’t your best friend.

There has been conflicting advices on the internet. It was said that to calculate the amount of milk your little one is required to drink per day, just take her weight times 150, and you have that amount. Which meant every week her intake had to increase!!! At her weight at one month (4.3 kg), it meant she needed to drink 645ml!!!!!! That I had to achieve with lots of force feeding at the time which stressed me out. I got so stressed when she wouldn’t finish her bottle to the point that I was begging her crying, to finish it. Yes, baby wasn’t crying, I was. 😥😥

Of course I turned to my mummy’s chatgroup, and some said as long as she is drinking 600 it’s fine. So everyday that was the challenge to make sure she feed 600ml.

Understanding my Baby

This became a challenge. I learnt to find out areas that made her comfortable to feed. That she wouldn’t drink properly when she had a soil or wet diaper. How to read her reflux or her gassy tummy. How to pacify her to finish her bottle, or when to stop when she is completely full.

I downloaded an app to help me, called Baby Tracker. You could track pumping times, number of wet and soil diapers per day and her feed. It would even show u in a graph format so you could see a summary.

In all the app has been very helpful. At the same time I tried to stop worrying about her feeds and relax. I have realize my worries caused my breast milk supply to drop. I refused to leave the house because I was worried I would mess up her feeding schedule, that she wouldn’t feed properly outside. I caged my baby and I indoors so much that it because mentally draining for me and my baby girl.

Giving myself ME time, and not giving a fuck about confinement rules

I started taking breaks like going to the gym while my husband took care of Eilidh. Or even taking Eilidh down for walks to breath the fresh air despite disapproving faces by Chinese aunties for letting baby out.

Oh yes, if there was an advice I could give new mommies out there…

Why? It is because I have red date tea being forced down my throat everyday and she would questioned me when it isn’t finished. When all I wanted, was water!!

At the same time, I realize water was also my milk booster. So I started pretending to take little sips of red date tea and throwing the excess away but gulping gallons of water.

Avoid anything that will cause an argument. Let the old folks give you all the advice they can, and you do not have to listen to them.

The Pumping Sessions

If anyone was wondering, I am using Spectra 9+ pump with their handsfree cups.

I had initially bought the Avent one but it just wasn’t really working out for me. I felt alot more comfortable with this Spectra pump and love the handsfree option which gave me the opportunity to eat and pump at the same time.

Still, it was tiring. I couldn’t carry Eilidh when I was pumping and schedule was tight. She was feeding every two hours so there were only so many time that I could pump. In order to maintain supply I really pumped as much as I could but could only really squeeze in 6 pumps a day, each pump lasting about 30-45 mins each. I am exhausted mainly from pumping. I do at the moment have more than enough milk for Eilidh, which I ain’t complaining. However I am considering dragging each pump to be 1hr long and cutting down to 5 pumps a day.

All in all, after 8 weeks I am getting comfortable with our routine, although I am not looking forward to the change of routine when I get back to work. Motherhood is tough to start with, but the look of content on your little one’s face makes it all worthwhile 😊😊.

Signing off,